Confused?

Sup peeps

Just blogging before I go to sleep. I just wanted to express in this post what I'm thinking about. Have you ever experienced how a friend of yours acts like he/she likes you? Its that feeling when you think that person really likes you but in the end, you just misinterpreted their actions? I've had that oh-so-many times. But hey that's life right?

It was this one girl in my school. We have two periods/classes together. I would always joke about me and her going out. Her reaction is saying "Awhh" and grabbing my arm. I guess its my fault too for always joking around and making it look like I wasn't serious.

But then that day happened. It was my English class and I sat next to her. She passed me a note saying how she can't concentrate on her essay. I replied back with a stupid "Will you go out with me?". I know it was stupid, stupid, stupid. I didn't know what happened. When I looked at her, her face screamed "What the f***?" and she was shocked. She replied that she's not ready for a relationship and that it would be awkward for her. I kind of understood how she felt. She doesn't want me to act all awkward around her and wants to stay as good friends. So me, being rejected becomes "Emo Jeddy".

She got worried about me. Of course I didn't want that but her words just made me feel miserable. After school and feeling like shit, she gave me a call. I had to lie...I just can't make her worry about me. I want her to be happy. Yes, I'm forcing myself to smile around her, to talk to her, and to laugh with her. Its hard for me, but I'm only doing this for her. We, then talked for 3-4 hours straight ending at around 2.

The next day I ended up hurting myself more and more. I have to force myself. I just have to.